Comebacks?, Opinion

Tom Cruise: A How-To Guide on Accepting Being Crazy with Class

Matt Kiebus :: Tuesday, June 8th, 2010 6:45 pm

He was Maverick, fucked a prostitute, completed impossible missions, and mixed drinks with expert precision. He also jumped up and down on a couch like a man possessed and almost challenged Matt Lauer to a steel caged death match. Tom Cruise has been on quite the journey the past five years going from the most bankable star in Hollywood to an unstable maniac. It’s been an interesting change of events. But over the past couple years Cruise figured out how to stop his career from spiraling out of control: embrace being crazy.

Love can drive people mad, but for Tom Cruise it drove him to jump around on Oprah’s couch like an eight-year-old on a moon bounce. Somehow he convinced Katie Holmes, Dawson’s Creek’s Joey Potter, that their age and height difference wasn’t that big of a deal. Less than a year after his enthusiastic appearance on Oprah the couple married in Italy. This confused America, because it just didn’t make much sense.

But nothing made less sense than Scientology, and when Cruise started spouting off about his “religious” beliefs is precisely when he was labeled as a full-blown nut job. Cruise slid rapidly down a potentially career ruining slope. Over past twenty years Cruise has become the most visible member of one of the strangest and most interesting cults religions, the Church of Scientology, which has a penchant for extremely rich and famous members. Cruise cites that the church helped him overcome his dyslexia. In an appearance on the Today Show he argued with Matt Lauer criticizing Brooke Shields’ use of an anti-depressant when she suffered from postpartum depression. He also declared psychiatry a Nazi dark art. (Which completely explains his role in Valkyrie, Tom Cruise trying and failing to wipe out the Nazi scum.)

For a man who is remembered for many iconic roles, it’s very interesting to note the role that saved his career. Les Grossman became the funniest role in Ben Stiller’s summer blockbuster Tropic Thunder. Out of nowhere Tom Cruise found redemption in accepting the fact that the world thinks he’s crazy. So he decided to roll with it. Now, his role as a fat, hairy, bald, Jewish, studio head has saved his career and demonstrated a sense of humor we (the world) didn’t know existed.

Over the past weekend Cruise, as Les Grossman, stole the show yet again. This time it was the MTV Movie Awards. The show included Sandra Bullock’s first public appearance since her life fell apart after her win at the Academy Awards and Aziz Ansari being generally hilarious. But it was Les Grossman grinding with Jennifer Lopez and mock slapping her ass that became the most memorable moment of the show. Granted Katie Holmes still looked extremely awkward in the stands, clapping and dancing like she didn’t know the beat, but Tommy killed it.

This summer Cruise stars in the action comedy Knight and Day starring alongside Cameron Diaz. From the looks of the trailer the film seems to be about a government secret agent (a la Mission Impossible) who went crazy (a la Tom Cruise). He’s ingeniously revisiting his roots, while adding a dash of “I’ve lost my mind” in the recipe, and so far it’s working perfectly. If he renounces Scientology he might have himself an Oscar within five years. But for now, as odd as it sounds, he just needs to make fun of himself a little more and one day soon he’ll be taken seriously again. Not many people can recover from yelling at Matthew Lauer, he rules the Today Show with an iron fist, but Tom Cruise is well on his way. His new publicists deserve a hefty Christmas bonus.

2 Responses to “Tom Cruise: A How-To Guide on Accepting Being Crazy with Class”
  1. Back in love again. 80’s queens love to see their icons reinvented, rejuvenated, and dancing. If you saw Risky Business on its first theatre run, can quote Top Gun (”Ghost Rider requesting a fly-by”), and know the street where Tommy lived in Glen Ridge, NJ, this guy, bald and crazy or not, brings back an old familiar flutter to a middle-aged heart.

    Posted by: Mother of Invention June 9th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
  2. And Matt, nice work on this piece, AND in giving kudos to the publicists.

    Posted by: Mother of Invention June 9th, 2010 at 7:49 pm