What Would Sarah Do?

Carmel Lobello :: Wednesday, June 16th, 2010 11:45 am

Hi there, I’m Sarah Palin, ex-Governor of the Last Frontier, the great state of Alaska, and also the ex-vice presidential candidate, tapped by John McCain for the United States of America. So many people ask me questions on my FaceBook and Twitter, and I wanted to give an answer to the Real Americans out there, so they know what I would do if I were a President or as a Hockey Mom, as a Hunter or as a Real American.

Like you, I watched President O’s address last night, and like every other American I’ve spoken to today, boy, I was real mad. But instead of arrow slingin’ and deridin’ him like the press is doing, and by the way, how does it feel for you and your family and the way you like to speak now, President O? Anyway, even though I was seein’ red, I thought it would be a braver choice to do somethin’ nice for O this morning by lettin’ him know what I would have done in a chrises like this one, which, as we know, was caused by the “environmentalists” and by your own “administration”, if I were presiding o’er America.

Point 1: You should have drilled in the Alaskan nature preserves, and all the other nature preserves in America instead of in the water space.

I think it’s very clear now that the “high-tech” underwater drilling in our American water space, it’s very clear that your first mistake, O, a mistake you made first while I was running along side John McCain, a real American hero, was to deride and sling dangerous arrows at me for wanting to drill in the nature reserves, the natural nature reserves in the beautiful state of Alaska. As a Free Country, to be energy-independent and not terrorism-dependent when it comes to oil, should be our main goal. It’s stars and stripes, not tars and stripes, right America?

Point 2: I would never bring up China while addressing America.

Last night, President O, you said, “Countries like China are investing in clean energy jobs and industries that should be here in America. Each day.”

Well, as a Fisherman and a Hunter, and a Fighter for American Family Values, I can see that it’s not the time to compare the productions of our Good, Normal, Hard-Working, Honest business-owners to foreigners like China’s men and women who should not be blindly trusted, something that I have a lot of experience with, having shared American air space with Putin and really rubbed up against our neighbor Canada for many years. If I were you O, I might not want to be rubbing against Castro or any Chinese. So that’s my second point of advice.

Point 3: I would not have hired whatshisname to be workin’ with.

I watched the speech with my family and neither Todd, who was by my side as always, or me could tell if your man in charge, in charge of the great clean up, is named Bad Allen or Fat Allen. Either name is very bad when it comes to leadership and duties. Todd and I both, and all of our children prefer names like Jason and Trevor, names that seem trustworthy and honest and solid to our fellow Fisherman and Hunters and Normal, Average Americans.

Well, I hope that was helpful, O. The phone line is still open if you want to call my cell phone for advice, or even better and quicker, go ahead and tweet at me. I’m getting on my way, travelin’ around, meetin’ Good Americans and shakin’ hands.