Shit Going On In The World

Fuck Atkins, I’m On The Clinton Diet

Nick Nicoludis :: Thursday, May 27th, 2010 2:40 pm

In a move not seen since Father Of The Bride, Chelsea Clinton instructed her father, Bill “Slick Willy” Clinton, to lose 15 pounds before her wedding sometime this summer. Apparently Chelsea’s only request for her father is that he “look good” walking down the aisle, and that means drop the flab. Kind of a bitchy request if you ask me, but that’s beside the point. As all men of great integrity do, Clinton stepped up to the plate and is now about “2 pounds” away from his goal. Good for you Bill, now I’m just wondering what his weight loss secret is.

My guess is some kind of modified Atkins diet where he’s not allowed to eat any carbs except for cornbread and Frosted Mini Wheats. There’s no way he’s a Weight Watchers man. I mean, do men even do that? I thought it was just my mom and her friends. There’s also the possibility that he has turned to vegetarianism or possibly veganism. But what southern man would betray his heritage like that? Most likely, he has some of the world’s best doctors and nutritionists working for him, as well as daily work outs with Peter Lupus.

A fit looking Clinton joined Obama yesterday in welcoming the U.S. World Cup Soccer Team to the White House. Clinton, who is an honorary chairman of the bid committee trying to bring the tournament to the US, was looking slim and fit according to all accounts. Good for him, after that February heart attack scare I was a little worried we’d be losing one of our most philandering  presidents.

I have just one warning: Watch out Chelsea’s single female friends, because a good-looking, saxophone-playing Bill is a hard thing to resist.