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Girl-Repellent Gadgets - Actual Answers From Actual Girls
Stephen Blackwell :: Tuesday, June 8th, 2010 2:00 pm
It’s Internet Week, and the Internet is the dominion of total nerds. Technology news and review sites, such as Gizmodo, TechCrunch and Mashable are some of the highest-trafficked websites in the world.
I often wonder how guys in the digital space go about impressing girls. Something tells me “Hey, my post on this new limited edition Darth Maul lightsaber got 75,000 views today,” doesn’t quite get the panties dropping like writing, say, “Baby I’m Amazed” for your girlfriend. (Paul McCartney has had tons of sex, by the way.)
Rather than sending .mp3s of obscure bands to a girl you’re trying to impress, or, in the finance world, whipping out your black card to pay for the Paupiette of Black Cod at Le Cirque, tech guys have to rely on impressing girls with what they know best: gadgets. This is a double-edged edged sword, as I found out from conversation with a few female friends. There are some gadgets out there that repel women as powerfully as sweater vests. Here they are, in no particular order:
The Tunebuckle
What It Is: Wear your iPod Nano in your belt.
Female Reaction: “It makes me think his cock is probably nano, too.”
The $25,000 Solid Gold Gameboy
What It Is: A $25,000 solid-gold gameboy.
Female Reaction: “The ultimate peacocking, I am a little boy item. Basically, it just screams coke money.”
The Virtual Hole
What It Is: Sex with a machine.
Female Reaction: “He’s probably never seen a real pussy in his life.”
Cell Phone Gun
What It is: Make your phone look like a real gun.
Female Reaction: “What the fuck! I would totally leave if a guy had one of these.”
iPod toilet Dock
What it is: What it is is disgusting.
Female Reaction: “Time to go to proctologist if you’re spending that much time in the bathroom.”
Sometimes the amount of crap that clogs up this world truly astounds me. How much money, time and waste went into making these products? Seriously, someone please tell me, because it seem incalculable.
Posted by: Andrew Belonsky June 8th, 2010 at 2:18 pm