Larry King Cancels Show After 30 Years

Chelsea Fisher :: Wednesday, June 30th, 2010 4:45 pm

Picture 1Larry King announced yesterday via twitter (I didn’t know old people even knew twitter existed) that he will be ending Larry King Live to spend time with his wife and kids. This is a pretty big deal. No I’m kidding, I don’t really care about Larry King. Though I’m pretty amazed that he has been able to host the show for thirty years even though he has been dead for, I’m guessing, twenty of them. The cancellation of this now irrelevant show led me to compile a list of other shows that should be canceled.

1.The View- This show has been on for upwards of 12 years. The only interesting thing about it is that Barbra Walters is still alive! Put any group of menopausal women in a round table situation, and you get the view. But does it really need to be televised? Also Star Jones is just really annoying. Remember how she was fat and then she was thin and now she is fat again? Thanks Star, but we have Oprah for that.

2.Survivor- It was cool at first. There was the whole cast away vibe. We were all waiting to see who would start making friends with Volleyball. But now it’s just starving people yelling at each other. Why do we have “The Biggest Loser” and “Survivor?” If we have to keep one of them lets just combine the two and throw fat people on an island. It could be called “Deal With It, Bitches!”

3.The Bachelor- I get my fill of annoying, albeit entertaining, women on “The Real House Wives.” And “The Bachelor’s” lonely groveling biddies really put the feminist movement to shame. Why do people still sign up to be on shows like that? At this point it’s pretty obvious that you probably will not get married and live happily ever after. You will take yourself out of the dating pool for however long it takes to shoot, and will then be forced to answer questions like “why the hell did you go on ‘The Bachelor’?”

4.All the shows that have annoying, fat, working class men with really hot wives: King of Queens, According to Jim, George Lopez, etc. We get it—you’re ironic and lazy, and your wife has an awesome ass. Piss her off so she’ll get angry. I’ll watch “Family Guy” for that and I’ll actually enjoy it.

5.Grey’s Anatomy- I’m over Meredith whining and McDreamy is McBoring. Everything that happens in the hospital is so unreal. Why don’t they just let the hospital blow up once and for all? Take “Private Practice” with you to the bad doctor show graveyard. Bring back “Doogie Howser M.D.”

6. Entourage- So there’s this guy and he’s sort good looking and famous. These are the people he hangs out with. Now he’s a little more famous, and these are still the people he hangs out with.

7.Last Call with Carson Daly- I know it doesn’t really matter because it’s on really late and there are reruns of “Golden Girls” on at that hour, or I’m drunk, but Carson Daily is just gross and boring now. Remember “TRL” when MTV was still kind of cool and Carson Daily was fatter? Those were the days, but now we have skeletor Carson taking up TV space with his thin face and uninteresting questions. Something about his look reminds me of Mars Attacks.

8.CSI- you know what’s really a crime? Having so many fucking “CSI” shows. Pick one, get rid of it, but not “CSI Miami.” I mean Horatio has really got the contemplative sunglasses jam down, and I’m into it.

9. One Tree Hill- Yes, it’s still on. Ha ha ha ha. Seriously? No, but really?

10. Everything on FOX NEWS fuck you guys!

One Response to “Larry King Cancels Show After 30 Years”
  1. You nailed this. It is great to follow your column. Thanks.

    Posted by: Kim Higgins July 1st, 2010 at 11:46 am