Palin Fends Off Wilson… With a Fence, Of Course

Shannon Hassett :: Tuesday, June 1st, 2010 5:00 pm

As a former fan of Home Improvement, I’ve always wondered what happened to good old Wilson. Tim Allen’s career has certainly provided little mystery; there are only so many roles available after one grows rotund in that particularly spherical fashion, after all (these clearly being The Santa Clause 3 and a permanent return to voice overs as Buzz in Toy Story… 3). Al Borland appeared in Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch before dropping off the Earth, and JTT will forever remain the growth hormone deficient teen’s crown prince. But what of Wilson, and more importantly, that fence?

Turns out Sarah Palin’s got a serious lack of foresight, attempting to rid her precious Wasilla, Alaska of its newest — and highly prized — import. She seems to be concerned that the latest renter of the six-bedroom house on Lake Louise directly next to her family’s own is a peeping tom and general threat to the Palin’s safety, due mostly to the fact that he happens to be authoring a biography on the former governor. 67-year-old Jay McGinnis told Matt Lauer that it was essential that he move to Wasilla and speak with the locals to gather material for the book, and that with the affordable rent and proximity to his subject — the book is tentatively titled “Sarah Palin: The Year of Living Dangerously” and chronicles the point of her resignation as governor onward — the location was unbeatable.

Palin began a tirade against the author almost immediately after she learned of his presence, posting a picture of him on her facebook looking over the opposite fence (though framed to appear as the border of her yard when taken out of context, such as on a facebook page) and writing, “Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom, my little garden, and the family’s swimming hole?”

If Palin’s real concern is privacy, shouldn’t she be thrilled that Wilson has touched down to take away all the unwanted press? Why follow the exploits of that bumbling country bumpkin when you have Wilson — fucking Wilson! — to take her place in the news. And even if it’s only the incarnation of Wilson (actor Earl Hindman sadly died in 2003), that’s still more exciting a prospect than the Palin swimming hole (not even going for the euphemism there… but dear God am I shuddering). As she said herself in a statement to NBC News, “Good fences do make for good neighbors,” which is why she added 4 more feet to her already 10-foot fence — Wilson on stilts!