Top Kill - Coming to a Theater Near You

Stephen Blackwell :: Wednesday, May 26th, 2010 12:05 pm

British Petroleum — let’s just all start calling it that again — and their efforts to stanch the oil flow gushing into the Gulf of Mexico have devolved into pure comedy. A top kill? What’s next, a super death shot? This company is as ridiculous as its ignominious record. Though I must admit, “Top Kill” is a fantastic name for an action film. It’s not oil I’m smelling — it’s a franchise.

The phrase “top kill,” although scientifically correct, really does play on our sensationalized, action-loving culture. British Petroleum’s even going to broadcast it live! Couldn’t you just imagine Bush saying it in 2002? “We’re gonna smoke ‘em out. And then we’re gonna top kill ‘em.”

Also, you’ve gotta love the majority of reporting on this thing so far: “The procedure, known as a top kill, would pump thousands of pounds of heavy fluids into a five-story tall stack of pipes in an effort to clog the well and stop the torrent of oil,” reported the Times. What the hell is heavy fluid? Is it the stuff they spray into your mouth at the dentist? Does barf qualify as a heavy fluid? Because I think if you need access to thousands of pounds of barf, New Orleans is the place.

It would be a miracle if this procedure worked, cooler than turning water into wine but nowhere near as tantalizing as Christ walking on water. Though the way that oil slick is looking, we’ll probably all be able to strut across the Gulf of Mexico come August.

Additionally reporting on this article by Andrew Belonsky

Also Read:

The Inverted Gusher
Kevin Costner’s Oil Machine

One Response to “Top Kill - Coming to a Theater Near You”
  1. [...] Top Kill [...]

    Posted by: Death + Taxes May 27th, 2010 at 12:59 pm