Justin Bieber: Why We Hatin’?

Matt Kiebus :: Wednesday, June 16th, 2010 3:01 pm

Yesterday it was syphilis. Today it’s a broken neck. I wonder what tomorrow may bring the 16-year-old pop sensation? I’d be willing to go out on a limb and guess more hatin’. His popularity is unfathomable. His haircut is unmovable. And he’s most likely going to be completely forgettable before he turns 21 years old. Yet, there is not a more polarizing figure in pop culture today. People (males 16+) hate him more than Bush and Bin Laden in their prime. Tweens (girls 6-44) adore him more than Generation Y loved the Backstreet Boys.


He sings. He dances. He makes teenage girls forget their times tables. What I don’t understand: how does this effect anyone who has fully completed puberty? Who cares that he’s hogging the cover of Tiger Beat? I don’t, but for some reason every other male in the internet-loving world is annoyed by it.

His album My World has been on the Billboard 200 for the past 11 weeks and is currently No. 2 on the chart. Granted the title is the most arrogant teen album title since Little Bow Bow’s Beware the Dog, but who is actually listening to it? I’m guessing it’s on the radio a lot, but who still listens to the radio in their car instead of their iPod? I’m guessing he has a lot of face time on MTV, but who watches MTV except for The Jersey Shore?

Over the history of our dynamic friendship with our northern neighbors, Canada has been slyly been sneaking musicians into our iPods, TV shows, and, most importantly, our subconscious. With each passing generation they have tried to capture America’s female pop-listening audience with Avril Lavigne, Nelly Furtado, Alanis Morissette, and Shania Twain with varying degrees of success. Canada has even placed Sarah McLachlan in sad puppy commercials to make us cry. But we stayed strong, until Justin Bieber and Drake have respectively gained large female and male audiences. If our culture starts listening to Canadian music even more often, what’s next? Hockey becoming America’s pastime?

He has the most talked about locks on the planet right now. Do you know how hard that is as a dude? I imagine it’s pretty rare. There’s something mysterious about it, too. How does he make it wind and waterproof? Huffy, Mongoose and Trek need to start making bike helmets with that Canadian hair voodoo magic.

Kim Kardashian
Recently Kim Kardashian and Justin have been seen gallivanting in a photo shoot at the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas. Bingo. Now it all makes sense. The Bieber biddy nation goes crazy after seeing the picture and starts STD and fast food/drunken driving/broken neck rumors; because publicly no one can be with pop phenomenon except the millions of girls with unhealthy crushes. *Men are given legitimate reason for annoyance.

Reason Enough to Spread STD and broken neck rumors about a 16-year old?
Of course not. He’s a cultural phenomenon that gets mobbed at freakin’ New Zealand airports and has bad music. We’ve endured bad music, terrible trends, and dreadful haircuts. We’re America, that’s what we do. But right now Canada is getting the best of us. We need a pop star. Restart the Mickey Mouse Club. Hurry.

Jasmine V: The 16 Year Old YouTube and Twitter Star
Justin Bieber Eats It

4 Responses to “Justin Bieber: Why We Hatin’?”
  1. LOL, I still think he is gay!

    Posted by: Jo Denny June 16th, 2010 at 10:29 pm
  2. Don’t blame all Canadians for Justin…we hate him just as much or more than do you…and I am from his home town of Stratford!!!

    Posted by: John June 16th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
  3. That kid is strange man

    Posted by: Auto - Insurance June 17th, 2010 at 12:13 am
  4. I just hate him cause he’s a little b-tch. He has a tramp stamp of a dove on his hip…i mean…come on. If you have a tramp stamp of a dove, you should have your testicles surgically removed

    Posted by: Luke June 17th, 2010 at 11:39 pm